


Robert's Mothers

by FireAngel5683



Series: Robert and his mom [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireAngel5683/pseuds/FireAngel5683
Summary: He stands in front of her gravestone and he feels nothing, and he hates himself for it. She had been his mum but he doesn't remember her and he feels a pang of guilt, wonders if she'd hate him for it so he walks away towards an all too familiar path and an ever more familiar gravestone. Just looking at it he feels her soothing and calming presence and he smiles before sitting down on the dew-covered grass.
Relationships: Robert Sugden & Pat Sugden, Robert Sugden & Sarah Sugden
Series: Robert and his mom [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555834
Kudos: 4





	Robert's Mothers

**Author's Note:**

> I'm uploading all of the mini-fics and headcanons that I've posted up on Tumblr under the username @robertandaaron-robron.  
> AN: I originally wrote and published this on Mothers Day after getting loads of emotions about Robert and Sarah especially since there'd been a scene where he called Sarah his Step-mum when he only ever referred to her as his mum and it got me thinking about how complex his relationship with his mums was.

**PAT**

“Hi mum” Robert utters and the second he says it out loud something inside of him protests. Deep in his bones, it feels wrong to be saying those words yet that’s who she is. Regardless of the fact that he never had the chance to meet her; she was his mum. Yet, something inside him screams out at calling anyone other than Sarah his mum.

“Hi Pat", he again tries not having anything better to say, yet again something inside him cries that that’s the wrong thing to say. He shouldn’t be calling her Pat, despite everything she was his biological mum and he shudders at the distance using her name puts between them.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say. It’s been ages since I was here but lately, I’ve been thinking about you. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if you’d not died that day. But if you had lived I wouldn’t have Vic, my little sister, and although Andy and I get along like oil and water he’s my brother and life without them. Life without them wouldn’t be the same. What if I never met Aaron? Had Seb?“ he sighs then sets down a bouquet of white lilies. He hadn’t known what flower would be the best choice, but he’d seen the lilies in the store and they’d looked beautiful and simple. “I do wish I had gotten to know you, but in the end the person that I am. It wouldn’t be the same, and despite what I’ve done. I really like who I am. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin, but I’m happy now. Proper happy, in a way I never thought would be possible.”

He doesn’t feel different but then he didn’t think he would. Although Pat had given birth to him, she hadn’t been the one to raise him. She hadn’t soothed his colds or hugged him while he cried or kissed his injuries better. He didn’t resent her. How could he? She hadn’t wanted to leave him. Things had been out of her hands, out of her control. Nevertheless, it didn’t affect how he felt. He loved her, how could he not? But it was a love of something fictitious, he had never known her; therefore, he’d never been disappointed by her. Never had the chance to form his own opinion of her. All he had were some pictures and stories told by other, no memories, no emotions, nothing.

**SARAH**

His feet carry him towards her grave without him even thinking about it and the second his eyes land on her gravestone he feels lighter than he has in ages. She had always had that effect on him, the ability to soothe him no matter what.

He sets his hand on the stone, rough yet firm under his hand and it helps ground him. He imagines her smiling at him in her loving and reassuring way. She’d give him a massive hug and kiss on the cheek while softly wiping away the tears that hung from his lashes. She’d always given the best hugs; they always made him feel loved and safe.

“Hi, mum” he starts to feel a lump in his throat making it difficult to talk and as the tears start to sting he feels like a little kid again.

“Happy mother day”, and he recalls when he was a kid and making her one of those stupid cards with too much glitter and crappy handwriting. He remembers how her face had lit up when he handed to her and how she’d even began to tear up and had given him a massive hug.

He sits on the grass despite wearing a suit and imagines that she’s there and it’s not just stone that’s meant to sum up the entirety of her life. He hates that she’s been reduced to a couple of words, she had been so much more than Jack’s wife and their mother.

“I’ve missed you, mum, I know its been a while since I’ve been here but things have been a bit crazy. I married Aaron again but properly this time, and he looked so beautiful mum. How did I ever get so lucky? Sebs got so big, and we’re looking into adding another member to our little family. Liv’s doing her whole I’m a moody teenager thing and she’s struggling with how she feels and what she wants out of her life.” he can imagine she’d crack a smile at that and then mention something about what he was like and how Sebs going to be a hand full if he turns out like either of his dads.

“I’ve been looking through some of your old stuff, and I found this card I made for you when I was a kid.” smiling he sets down a worn card with happy mothers day and a crudely drawn picture of him and Sarah.

“It’s stupid because I can afford to buy you one of those fancy mothers day cards but I remember how happy you were when I gave this to you. How happy you were when I started calling you mum”. He feels the tears falling down his face and then a soft hand lands on his shoulder and for a second he wishes it was her.

“Hey, Rob” he hears Vic say in a soft soothing voice and she reminds him so much of her.

“Hey, Vic” and wow is that what he sounds like? It’s almost as if he swallowed a bunch of gravel and he can just imagine what he must look like. Covered in snot with bloodshot red eyes sitting on the grass in front of a headstone, but Vic doesn’t say anything just gets him to stand up and pulls him into a hug.

He buries his head in her neck and starts crying, and she just pets his hair and hugs him back. Pulling away from her a wiping his face he sets down a bouquet of light pink carnations and places his hand on the stone again.

“Bye mom, I’ll be back soon I promise” and he sees the tears forming in Vic’s eyes and grabs her hand. As they walk away, he feels lighter than he has in ages, the ache of missing his mum hasn’t gone away.

He doesn’t think it ever will, but being here and talking to her has dulled the pain a bit. He smiles at the thought of eventually telling his kids about their grandma Sarah, one day, the ache will go away and instead of pain at the memory of her, he will laugh as he tells the story of how he fell off a pony and Sarah rushed to make sure he was okay.


End file.
